mates of life

My ex has needs

My beautiful, sweet, smart ex has needs

Needs outside of my center

I have a core of fear

She has a core of hunger

Though I have the Strength to be a Master

I don't want to bother...

I don't want to be "topped from the bottom"... controlled by needs...

So she begged, pleaded, made many efforts to make me the source of those needs

But it never felt right....

Our happiness was in spectacular "normal sex"...

Tear dropping beautiful normal sex...

Two souls meeting in a center of acceptance

But that is not enough for her......

So she wanders off....

it's natural

everyone moves on

but I frown

because the smile I remember

her smile

is now strapped to some dominator's table

getting butt fucked

sucking cock

searching for herself

going through the metal and physical meat grinders

...... don't get me wrong

i did some messed up shit in the name of experimentation

but i moved on

those things never replaced Heart

never sated the hunger for intimacy

and I imagine this realization is what keeps me in my solitude...

some holes... cannot be filled with anything but Truth....

nothing else matters

I Love

but I Hurt!

I don't want to smile and witness her explorations

I feel so alone.....

I imagine it is her feeling alone that leads her to this...

but unfortunately all I want is my "pace" and "speed"...

I am scared, freaked out and lonely....

I wish there was a slender, simple soul mate out there...

our language is hugs, touch, and heart...

no more words...

no more sorrow...

just a cocoon is intimacy

like two cats in love...



I am feeling farther and farther from this modern life and society...

I just want some key soul family members... then escape into mother earths beauty...

fuck this needless struggle......

unnecessary pain that leads to nothing

there must be a happy life somewhere

somewhere where trust leads to goodness

and every feeling leads to peace...



one by one my every friend, hope, and interest is falling away

like rotting branches

an autumn of my soul

i feel nothing but coldness coming

more sleep for the god of sleep

waiting for nothing

yet again